Kay.. I don't tell this to many folks. I tried to off myself with rubbing alcohol. Do you know what the result was? My stomach making horrid noises in class for a year.

My point is suicide is not the answer.

If you are feeling bad about yourself self harming only leads to more disrespect from others. Also when your young sometimes it feels like you cant keep up with other people. You know..maybe your just cooler.

This subject literally makes me cry. So many wonderful people...like abraham licoln for example.. live life self loathing hating themselves.
The truth is people assume people that are ground breakers can handle crap..no they cant.Usually ground breakers are how they are cause they ahd it hard and learned to be independent.

Hey! I totALLY JUST GOT SOMethin. Last semester so depressed.. i'm so bad at school. You know what? I should just be happy about life. Its important.I dont have to be serious. I can be happy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPD5LZ-Kd0Q
"Over Thinking"

i was thinking
over thinking
cause there's just too many scenarios
to analayze
look in my eyes
cause you're my dream please come true

i was thinking
over thinking
about exactly how i'm not exactly him
i'll break my heart in two
more times than you could ever do
cause you're my dream please come true

cause i think way too much
on a one track mind
and you're so out of touch
cause i'm so far behind

i can't deny this anymore, the facts ignored all done before
and if there's one in this world,
you let me know you're not that girl

i was sinking
lower, sinking
cause i lost the things i held on to
they let me think a thought
a thought that i would know was not
of seeing my dream come true

i was thinking
over thinking
about how far i had let this go
one more guy/girl chiché
i know now you're just in the way
of me and my dream come true

cause i think way too much
on a one track mind
and you're so out of touch
cause i'm so far behind
i'm trying to make sense
out of all of this
while your fading scent
just slips through my grip

i can't deny this anymore, the facts ignored all done before
and if there's one in this world,
you let me know you're not that girl

don't touch the positive with the negative end
don't touch the positive with the negative end
cause after all of the sparks you're still alone in the dark
cause after all of the sparks you're left alone in the dark

and while i'm able, i think i'll label
experience with you as a mistake
and while i'm at it, i'll say i've had it
experience with you is a mistake

cause i think way too much
on a one track mind
and you're so out of touch
cause i'm so far behind
i'm trying to make sense
out of all of this
while your fading scent
just slips through my grip

i was thinking
over thinking
cause there's just too many scenarios
to think about
to figure out
if you're my dream please come true

DeAR god thy am i still here in school. help me not cRE about what the professors think. help me to not cRE about social status. help me to try to be a good person. help me to love you and know that is enough. help me to be able to see myself the way you see me.Help me to not debate atheism on facebook till 3 am. help.....

Wow from reading past entries i think that i really am quite intelligent. I also have trouble with some details. I took a lit class and failed. This was expected. I am now retaking lit.

I was talking to a young fellow in the basement who i suppose is my friend now. He was like oh yeah im intelligent but i also consider myself dumb. haha Very unusual guy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk1nw4Uoxig&feature=player_embedded#

I thought wintertime was a good time to post this video. Aside form that- this song express what I feel right now.
It is called You'll think of me.

This is know as one of Keith Urban's best performances ever. One of the best country ones ever. The reason for this is he had just broken up with his girlfriend who now is his wife. The emotion in this song is generally contributed to that. Supposively she dumped him because her friends said he was a player. I wouldn't be suprised if this is what made her change her mind.

About me:
This sing has made me change my mind about my life and the rut I seem to be at this time. I love you Keith!!!

About the tv:
Right now I am watching a commercial for bedding. Its making me sleepy.

I have been meaning to post this for awhile. well i don't know think i decided not to post it. But I just want to let folks know i do not want to be a catalyst for anyone's relationships. I mean yeah Im good at it but id rather have actual friends. This has happened more than once.I'm not speaking of anyone in particular. Just don't do it.

Little advice for guys(and girls). Maybe some girls(people) don't mind it. It is not very nice to use other girls to get other girls(peoples) attention. It is not nice. It is very hurtful.

This semester I had a guy try to "get me" just so he could show the other folks in our major he got me. Some sort of power play? But I'm supposed to feel sorry for him cause he cant get friends or actually he can so it doesn't make sense. One play was... Ive never had an actual girlfriend.

I have been contemplating how to put my thoughts into words for a few days now.

As someone I greatly respect once said. I would have to be on drugs if had a one night stand. I just would!

i would have to be really tired and sad to be pretend everything is okay.

I don't really like crazy music. I have always loved dark colors. Maybe not always but lets not go into how my outlook on life came about shall we. You most likely already know or dont need to know. No its not typical either.

I do really enjoy music but no I never was just like lets get it on. Hate me all you want thats how it is.

Did this make me unpopular. Yes! It most definitely does.
I am a very sober individual even when acting drunk.

Well I have been trying to be all tough but really i cant be. How do you pretend brains are there when they are not. I realize that statement most likly upset some of my friends.Im a really nice person but i do have this problem where i purposely be a jerk to people.

I act tooo young for my age but i suppose that is good.

My lit class was or is a ethic lit class. I am not being racist but I'm just going to say I do have a little bit of black blood in me. It is possibly in the blood line. I like biology that is why i am mentioning this. Probably about 5%

Wikipedia

Society
There is a perceived correlation between tomboys and lesbianism.[2] While some tomboys later reveal a lesbian identity in their adolescent or adult years, masculine behavior typical of boys but displayed by girls is not a true indicator of one's sexual orientation.[2] "Throughout their history, tomboys have had to contend with the stigma of presumed lesbianism or the accusation of wanting to be male. Both assumptions were categorically refuted by twentieth-century psychology, which established the normality of the tomboy experience among girls of all identities. However, for many, the tomboy stage is the first manifestation of a gender-fluid life journey."[2]

Historically, tomboys have been defined, as suggested in the examples mentioned above, by "boyish" behavior (like more physically active, technological, and scientific interests) and wearing boys' clothing. In recent times, as the ubiquity of traditionally female clothing such as dresses, blouses and skirts has declined among Western females, the distinction has become more and more one of behavior. A general increase in the popularity of women's sporting events (see Title IX) and other activities that were traditionally male-dominated, is today broadening tolerance and lessening the impact of "tomboy" as a pejorative.[citation needed]

Childhood gender roles are handled somewhat differently for tomboys and girlish boys. Gender scholar Judith Halberstam has claimed that while the defying of gender roles is often tolerated in young girls, older girls and adolescents who display masculine traits are often repressed and punished.[3]

[edit] Causes
There has been little study of the causality of women's behavior and interests, when they do not conform to the female social gender role, since it has been considered, first and foremost, to be a phase one might go through in early years of life. It is unclear whether there is any correlation between these behaviors, and whether the causes are any different from what causes men to exhibit the same behaviors such as dress, or an interest in mathematics and science. One report from the Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children suggests that preschool girls engaging in "masculine-typical" gender-role behavior, such as playing with toys typically preferred by boys, is influenced by genetic and prenatal factors.[4]

I agree but no it doesnt just have to be girls that like sports. Boy in girls body type deal.

Hello got nothing to say really. Thinking about how to use my money for stuff. I really dont feel good about collage because I dont feel like I did my best.

my brain woke and realized i had someone who likes me.This is not the first time i have realized it but this time i am realizing that time is going to fast for me not to do anything about it. It may not seem important.
now i need to go eat!!

I'm blaring googoo dolls in the dormitory.
Here is a song..a really good one. The guy in this song was the first guy i ever fell in love withlol.

I would have used a more appropriate song but I thought this fit well cause it the 90s.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6DBL4guFx8

Why I'm sick of college.

I am sick of college because i have to think about things like this: Please do not be offended.

Well you know maybe I'm gay. Oh maybe that guy is suddenly in love. Oh maybe I wont graduate. Oh maybe that guy is stalking me.Oh no maybe its true God doesnt really exist... Oh no am I a prude??? O h no my got ate by a dog? too bad i cant cry I have to study.
bllllllehhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Jennifer got “I am Fall” on the quiz "Which Season Are You?" by Quiz Rally
You are Fall. You are a creative and artistic person and enjoy a variety of creative outlets. Sometimes you can be quiet and you are a bit shy--you may even blush in social situations.


This is absolutely true for me. Well ther could be a little gray area. Some parts of me are winter.

Hello,
This a letter to someone in particular. I told you that I had papers due. I wasn't trying to avoid I just still don't have them completed. That is the sad truth of it all.

WELL I WAS GETTING ME soem ginger ale and i notice a dude also at the pop thing was standing too close to my tray. Being OCD like Monk I moved my tray. Anynhow , I didnt realize till then oh he was tryng to get me to talk to him. Okay got it now. Well that was sweet. The reality is I would prefer the other person do the talking. I mean yeah I see he was trying not to bother me which I get that after the last guy problem I just had really is a good thing. I mean seriusly though-in reality the guy was probably not wanting to sit by himself and saw that make friends with bouys easy. Or he was trying to make a girl who was ignoring him jealous. All these apply.

I was having a conversation with one of my friends the other day and I think i have learned a life lesson that politness in boys is good.

Somemhow Im a peacemaker. God only knows how. Why cant I be the other one. I mean I have been trying but i guess ill give in.

Hello I would like to say that i gto encouraged to blog from my friend and I enjoy it.

Now its ging to get creepy. no im just going to delve.

Okay here we go I keep seeing signs in life that I should do certain things. I am not referring to only one but several important things.

I used to be encouraged by these signs and folloed them. I did this until I notice other people didnt need this method.

I have recently been using this method again.

Oh lord why did I never go see what my learning type was in the learning center.
Im so wierd.

I just write a paper and in the morn will write the powerpoint for it.